Online Class — October 26

Examples Essay – FINAL DRAFT

Points to keep in mind for the final draft of your essay:

1) The Five-Paragraph Essay chart. Keep it handy as you work on your
final draft.

2)Avoid repeating the same sentences.

3) Stick to the points you’re making in your paragraphs. Do not digress.

4) Examples should be clear and part of the main idea of the essay.

Grammar

A lot of students have problems with Dangling/Misplaced Modifiers and Faulty Parallelism. Below are TWO tutorials. Please read them carefully and do the exercises.

Dangling Modifiers

(courtesy of Literacy Education Online http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/modifiers.html )

We often use phrases to describe words within sentences, and we determine the meaning of our sentences by placing these descriptive phrases next to the words they point to or “modify.” For example, the sentence, “I saw a boy running down the street,” indicates that the “boy” was doing the running. However, if we wrote, “Running down the street, I saw the boy,” we would be suggesting to readers that “I” was doing the running.

Misplaced Modifiers

Sometimes we become careless and place descriptive phrases far away from the words they modify, making our sentences unclear or inaccurate. We call these phrases misplaced modifiers. For example, in “I was told that I had been awarded the scholarship by my professor,” does the underlined phrase mean that the professor did the telling or the awarding? If the professor did the telling, we could make the meaning of this sentence clearer by repositioning the phrase: “I was told by my professor that I had been awarded the scholarship.”

Dangling Modifiers

Other times we write descriptive phrases that point to or modify words that are not clearly stated in our sentences, making our sentences illogical. We call these phrases dangling modifiers. For example, in “Walking to college on a subzero morning, my left ear became frozen,” the underlined phrase modifies “my left ear.” This doesn’t make sense; some person must have been doing the walking. We can clarify the sentence by putting a logical word after the phrase: for example, “Walking to college on a subzero morning, I froze my left ear.” Or, we can change the phrase so that it has a logical subject and verb in it: “When I was walking to college on a subzero morning, my left ear became frozen.”

The following table includes sentences with dangling and misplaced modifiers, as well as a possible revision for each and an explanation of why the revision is necessary.

Examples of Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers	Revisions
On July 20, 1969, American astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin landed on the moon, watched by nearly a fifth of the world’s population.	Watched by nearly a fifth of the world’s population, American astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin landed on the moon on July 20, 1969. (The world was not watching the moon; the world was watching the astronauts.)
After seeing the benefits of reduced employee turnover, absenteeism, and lateness, onsite daycare is being provided more frequently as a perk for working parents.	After seeing the benefits of reduced employee turnover, absenteeism, and lateness, more and more companies are providing onsite daycare as a perk for working parents. (Onsite daycare is not seeing the benefits of reduced turnover, absenteeism, and lateness; companies are seeing these benefits as a result of onsite daycare.)
An author who did not receive much attention until after her death, readers of all ages enjoy Emily Dickinson’s poetry today. or Readers of all ages enjoy Emily Dickinson’s poetry today, an author who did not receive much attention until after her death.	Today, readers of all ages enjoy the poetry of Emily Dickinson, an author who did not receive much attention until after her death. (The phrase, an author who did not receive much attention until after her death, should modify Emily Dickinson rather than readers or Emily Dickinson’s poetry.)
Cost-efficient and convenient, many of today’s corporate employees are being trained through computer-assisted instruction.	Cost-efficient and convenient, computer-assisted instruction is being used by many companies to train employees. (The descriptive words, cost-efficient and convenient, modify computer-assisted instruction rather than today’s corporate employees.)
Having submitted the conference registration form after the deadline, special permission by the chairperson was needed before she could give her presentation.	Having submitted the conference registration form after the deadline, Susan needed special permission from the chairperson before she could give her presentation. (The example doesn’t make sense as it is written. Someone must have submitted the form late. According to the revision, Susan submitted the form late.)
When purchasing a cellular phone, the wide variety of calling plans and features overwhelms many people.	When purchasing a cellular phone, many people become overwhelmed by the wide variety of calling plans and features. (The calling plans and features aren’t purchasing cellular phones. People purchase cellular phones.)
New York Stock Exchange members shout out opening bids and offers, acting on behalf of institutions and individual investors.	Acting on behalf of institutions and individual investors, New York Stock Exchange members shout out opening bids and offers. (Members of the New York Stock Exchange–rather than opening bids and offers– act on behalf of institutions and investors.

 

The Online Writing Lab at Purdue University provides an excellent tutorial on dangling modifiers. http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_dangmod.html

Faulty Parallelism:
(courtesy of http://ace.acadiau.ca/english/grammar/parallel.htm)

The grammar crime: Faulty parallelism distracts the reader and disturbs the flow of the writing.

When two elements of a sentence are similar in meaning, you should express them in parallel form. In other words, all linked words should match in form.

By using parallel structure, we both clarify the meaning of our writing, and add pleasing symmetry to it. Parallel structure joins and emphasises equally important ideas.

Question: How do we know we know if a sentence has faulty parallelism?

Outlaw

Shakespeare wrote comedies, tragedies, romances, and the plays based on historical figures.

This is a list; therefore, all of the linked words should be in the same form. Do any of the following not belong?

	comedies
	tragedies
	romances
	the plays based on historical figures.

The fourth does not belong; change it.

Rehabilitated

Shakespeare wrote comedies, tragedies, romances, and history plays.

Question: How do we catch faulty parallelism outlaws?

Look for comparisons and lists. Make sure all of the linked items are in the same form. For example, they should all be nouns, they should all begin with matching articles, or they should all be verbs.

The clues: There are five main situations in which parallelism may be an issue.

1. Co-ordinating conjunctions (and, or, but, for, so, yet, or nor)

Outlaw

financial independence: noun to find love: infinitive verb

Outlaw	Do the linked words match?		No, so rehabilitiate
Hal seems to be an irresponsible prince, but Hotspur was the traitor.	seems to be	present tense	Hal seems to be an irresponsible prince, but Hotspur is the traitor.
	was	past tense	Hal seemed to be an irresponsible prince, but Hotspur was the traitor.

2. Correlative Conjunctions

	either A or B
	neither A nor B
	both A and B
	not only A but also B
	whether A or B

With these conjunctions, A and B are linked; therefore, they must be parallel in form.

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
In Hemingway’s “Cat in the Rain,” we do not know whether the husband sees the original cat or a new cat.	In Hemingway’s “Cat in the Rain,” we do not know whether the husband sees the original cat, or he sees a new one.

3. Words in a series

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
Throughout The Diviners, Laurence uses memory bank movies, lists, songs, and some inner films.	Throughout The Diviners, Laurence uses memory bank movies, lists, songs, and inner films.

4. Comparisons and contrasts using than or as (i.e., more than, as much as)

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
Joan does not like Chuck Brewer as much as she seemed to like the Royal Porcupine.	Joan does not like Chuck Brewer as much as she likes the Royal Porcupine.
In The Collected Works of Billy the Kid, we empathise with Billy the Kid, more than Pat Garrett.	In The Collected Works of Billy the Kid, we empathise with Billy the Kid, more than we empathise with Pat Garrett.

5. Function words:

	prepositions (to, by, in, for)
	articles (a, an, the)
	the infinitive (to)
	introductory words (that, who, which, because, when)

A function word that begins one clause must begin the others.

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
Rohinton Mistry often writes about the Indian immigrant experience and Parsi community.	Rohinton Mistry often writes about the Indian immigrant experience and the Parsi community.
	Rohinton Mistry often writes about Indian immigrant experiences and Parsi communities.
Andrew believes that Jerry Bines is innocent, and Vera’s book does not characterise Jerry properly.	Andrew believes that Jerry Bines is innocent, and that Vera’s book does not characterise Jerry properly.

ASSIGNMENTS

Write the second and FINAL draft of your EXAMPLES ESSAY. Due on Monday, October 29^th. No exceptions. You only need to bring ONE copy to class.

Do the following EXERCISES. Download or print out the file (Click on the link).
Bring the pages to class. exercises.doc

The exercises WILL BE GRADED. Please read and reread the above
tutorials.

Questions?

sfcenglish@gmail.com

 

 

Online Class — October 19

FIVE-PARAGRAPH ESSAY Ch. 12-13 

What is a Five-Paragraph Essay?  

• Introduction
• Body
• Conclusion 

You’re heard it all before from your Junior High teacher, your High School teacher, and now from me. You may even think that you can write a perfect essay on the first try and not worry about rewriting it.  Maybe. Perhaps all you need to do is refresh your knowledge a little, re-cement your skills. That’s what we’ll be doing for the rest of the semester.  So don’t think of our assignments and exercises as something that’s designed to  teach you how to write, but rather as something that’s designed to help you remember what you had learned in High School and have recently forgotten.  Some of you have never learned it and some of you have never forgotten it; so you’ll just have to slog through this class and be patient. You may even learn something along the way. 

Let’s revisit our Five-Paragraph Essay model.  

Outline for a Five-Paragraph Essay

Title: ____________________ Introduction Introductory statement Thesis statement: ____________________   Body First Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ Second Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ ____________________     Third Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ ____________________ Conclusion Closing statement Restate thesis: ____________________

---

Introduction: 

It’s the first paragraph in your essay. It should tell your readers what the essay is about. A good introduction gets the reader excited about reading the essay. What comes at the end of the introduction paragraph? The THESIS STATEMENT? Most of the time, but not always. What is the Thesis Statement? It’s the main idea of your essay. Your theme. Let’s try to find the thesis statement in the essay called Three Africas (courtesy of Taft College Online Writing Lab) (http://www.taftcollege.edu/newTC/Academic/LiberalArts/owl/sampfive.html

The Three Africas

        When many people hear the word Africa, they picture steaming jungles and gorillas. Hollywood films have shrunk the public image of this immense, varied continent into a small segment of its actual diversity. To have a more accurate picture of the whole continent, however, one should remember that there are, roughly, three Africas, each with its distinct climate and terrain and with a style of life suited to the environment. The continent can be divided into the northern desert areas, the southeastern grasslands, and the tropical jungles to the southwest.
      The northern regions have the environment and living patterns of the desert. Egypt, Libya, Algeria, and Morocco have hot, dry climates with very little land suited to farming. Therefore, the population tends to be clustered into cities along rivers or the seacoast or into smaller settlements near oases. For thousands of years, people have lived in this vast region, subsisting partly on what crops and animals they could raise and partly on trade with Europe.
       The southeastern grasslands provide a better environment for animal life and for some kinds of crops. Many wild animals inhabit the plains in this region–elephants, giraffes, rhinoceros, antelopes, zebras, and lions. The people in this area have long been expert cattle raisers and hunters. Tea, coffee, cotton, cashew nuts, and tobacco are some of the main products grown in this region. Fishing also provides some food and income for people along the coast. The population here is less concentrated in cities and towns than in the north, but tends to be denser in areas where adequate rainfall and fertile soil make farming possible.
     West Africa is the region closest to the Hollywood image of mysterious jungles. As in the other two regions, the way people subsist depends upon their environment. This does not mean that most of the people live in grass huts in the jungle. Such nations as Nigeria have become highly modernized by income from oil, timber, and minerals. Most of the western countries have some farming that provides food and income; sugar cane, coffee, and tobacco are the important cash crops, while bananas, rice, and corn are raised for food. Fishing in the rivers and along the coast also accounts for food and income, and precious stones, especially diamonds, enhance the economy of Angola and the Ivory Coast.
     Even a superficial look at the major regions of Africa shows that it is a varied continent with several environments. Although most of the continent is tropical in its range of temperature, the climate ranges from deserts to rain forests. Similarly, human life-styles vary from the simplest rural villages to industrial cities, both new and ancient. Contrary to the myth, however, jungle life makes up only a very small portion of the whole of Africa.

Is the thesis statement the last sentence of the introductory paragraph? Who said “no”? You’re right. The thesis statement in this essay is the penultimate sentence. Why? Because it carries the main idea of the essay. The last sentence expands on that idea and takes it further by introducing the details for the three paragraphs in the body. 

Body: 

In a five-paragraph essay the body contains three paragraphs. The body of the essay provides support.  It buttresses the ideas introduced in the introductory paragraph. But most importantly, it provides details (examples in the case of this assignment) that bring your main idea to life.  Each paragraph has to have a topic sentence. It is almost always the first sentence of the paragraph. If a paragraph were an essay, the topic sentence would be its thesis statement. I know I’m not confusing you because we’ve talked about it in class. 

Conclusion: 

It summarizes the main points of your essay. Think of your main idea as a bell whose sound reverberates through your essay and quiets down in the very last sentence of the conclusion. 

A FEW THINGS TO REMEMBER: 

Essays are not written – they’re rewritten. Don’t forget to prewrite, brainstorm and outline. Without adequate preparation you will not be able to write a good essay. If you don’t know what you want to write about,  re-read Ch. 13 and choose a topic of one of the exercises at the end of the chapter. You can also browse the World Wide Web or flip through newspapers or magazines. Read an Opinion Page of the New York Times. Watch a reputable news program.  Somehow I’m sure that you abound with ideas. 

Below are the links to web pages that discuss the five-paragraph essay and may be of help to you.

http://www.tesltimes.com/essay.html#org 

http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:jntEtfyYUvQJ:www.dbu.edu/uwc/workshops/Basic%2520Five-Pargraph%2520Essay.ppt+%22five-paragraph+essay%22+give+examples&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=14&gl=us  

ASSIGNMENT 

Write an ESSAY THAT GIVES EXAMPLES.  It should be between TWO and FOUR pages long. DOUBLE SPACED.  Note that your assignment is to write an ESSAY not an outline.  You should definitely write an outline before you begin your essay, but keep it for yourself.   Put your name, my name, and the course number on the first page. Number each page of the essay.

NO HANDWRITTEN ASSIGNEMENTS WILL BE ACCEPTED. Make a COPY of your ESSAY and a copy of the FEEDBACK FORM for each student in your group. You can find the FEEDBACK FORM on the classroom wiki (in the sidebar) right below the SYLLABUS. 

This assignment is due Monday, Oct. 22^nd. 

ONE FULL GRADE will be deducted from late assignments for each class. So if you decide to turn your assignment in on Wednesday and it’s a “B” essay, you will get a “C”. If you turn it in on Friday, it will be a “D”, and so on.  If you have any questions you can contact me any time.

sfcenglish@gmail.com or akustanovich@stfranciscollege.edu 

Phone: 718-489-3445   

Good Luck.

Prof. K. 

Online Class — October 12

Ch. 8

Comparison and Contrast

 

Major Points:

When we compare two things, we show how they are similar; when we contrast two things we show how the are different. The purpose of comparing and contrasting is to understand each of the things more clearly.

Note: Whether you choose to compare or to contrast, the Topic Sentence should introduce the two things, people, or ideas you plan to write about.

Look at the two paragraphs below (courtesy of Exploring Writing: Sentences and Paragraphs, by John Langan).

Two Views on Toys

Children and adults have very different preferences. First, there is the matter of taste. Adults pride themselves on taste, while children ignore the matter of taste in favor of things that are fun. Adults, especially grandparents, pick out tasteful toys that go unused, while children love the cheap playthings advertised on television. Second, of course, there is the matter of money. The new games on the market today a re a case in point. Have you ever t ried to lure a child away from some expensive game in order to get him or her to play with an old-fashioned game of toy? Finally, there is a difference between an adult’s and child’s idea of what is educational. Adults, filled with memories of their own childhood, tend to be fond of the written word. Today’s children, on the other hand, concentrate on anything electronic. These things mean much more to them than to adults. Next holiday season, examine the toys that adults choose for children. Then look at the toys the children prefer. You will see the difference.

Mike and Helen

Mike and Helen, a married couple we know, look very much alike. They are both short, dark-haired, and slightly pudgy. Like his wife, Mike has a good sense of humor. Both Mike and Helen can be charming when they want to be, and they seem to handle small crises in a calm, cool way. A problem such as an overflowing washer, a stalled car, or a sick child is not a cause for panic; they seem to take such events in stride. In contrast to Helen, though, Mike tends to be disorganized. He is late for appointments and unable to keep important documents — bank records, receipts, and insurance papers — where he can find them. Also, unlike Helen, Mike tends to hold a grudge. He is slow to forget a cruel remark, a careless joke, or an unfriendly slight. Another difference between these two is how they like to spend their time; while Mike enjoys swimming, camping, and fishing, Helen prefers to stay inside and read or play chess.

• How are these paragraphs different?
• Which paragraph lacks a topic sentence?
• Which paragraph has a topic sentence that is too broad?
• Which paragraph contains almost no specific details?

Answer these questions for yourselves. Examine each paragraph to see not only how it’s constructed thematically, but also how it’s constructed grammatically. Notice semicolons and dashes. Why are they used there?

Steps to follow before writing a comparison/contrast paragraph:

Prewrite

You can first write a topic sentence and then add support; or you can think of supporting ideas and then come up with a topic sentence. Here’s an example of a topic sentence: My job as a manure stirrer was very different from my job as a chicken sushi chef at a Greek diner.

Come up with at least THREE strong points to support your topic sentence.

• The jobs differed in a physical setting
• The jobs differed in the skills they required
• The jobs differed in the people they brought me into contact with.

EDIT your paragraphs BEFORE you upload them to your wiki page! Check for typos and grammar/syntax errors. Reread each sentence a few times to see whether it’s well written and whether it contains any grammatical errors.

Let’s now revisit mother Grammar.

What is the difference between a COMMA SPLICE and a RUN-ON SENTENCE? (click on the highlighted words to read the tutorials)

ASSIGNMENTS:

1. Write a COMPARISON or CONTRAST paragraph. Be sure to give you paragraph a title.

2. Identifying comma splices and run-ons

Copy the text below and paste it into a word processing program. Mark your answers, print them out and bring them to class on Monday.

---

Select whether each of the following items is a run-on (fused) sentence or a comma splice. If the item is neither a run-on sentence nor a comma splice, select “correct.”

---

1. Most people are familiar with chain letters, this type of correspondence requires a person to copy a letter and send it on to five or more friends.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

2. Chain letters, which have existed for years, usually promise good luck or money for people who continue the chain and bad luck for those who break it.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

3. Today, electronic chain letters are very common almost anyone who uses e-mail has seen at least one.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

4. Many electronic chain letters appeal to the recipient’s good nature, the recipient often hopes for the best and sends the letters on to other people.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

5. One popular e-mail chain letter described a young girl dying of cancer she was supposed to receive a few pennies for treatment every time the letter was forwarded.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

6. There is, however, no way for any charity to find out how many times an e-mail is forwarded the e-mail was simply a chain letter.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

7. One letter began as a legitimate request for help in finding a missing child, but the letter continues to circulate even though the child was found in 1997.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

8. Some organizations that send out unsolicited e-mail get addresses from these chain letters, anyone who forwards a chain letter risks getting many more unsolicited messages.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

9. When millions of chain letters are sent, e-mail servers slow down or crash this costs users time and money.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

---

10. Time is money, the Department of Energy estimates that worktime worth over $40 million would be lost if every Internet user spent one minute reading and discarding a chain letter.

• run-on sentence
• comma splice
• correct

Questions?
sfcenglish@gmail.com
See you Monday,

Prof. K

 

 

 

Online Class — October 5

CH. 5

Major Points:

A DESCRIPTION is a picture in words. For a descriptive paragraph to be effective, you must describe specific details that appeal to the readers’ senses.

Use CLUSTERING to gather ideas and support (see Ch.5, p. 100 of your textbook)

Draft a topic sentence. It identifies what you are going to describe.

Add support. Remember that support means details. The more detailed your description is, the more interesting your paragraph will be.

The Blond Guitar

by Jeremy Burden

My most valuable possession is an old, slightly warped blond guitar–the first instrument I taught myself how to play. It’s nothing fancy, just a Madeira folk guitar, all scuffed and scratched and finger-printed. At the top is a bramble of copper-wound strings, each one hooked through the eye of a silver tuning key. The strings are stretched down a long, slim neck, its frets tarnished, the wood worn by years of fingers pressing chords and picking notes. The body of the Madeira is shaped like an enormous yellow pear, one that was slightly damaged in shipping. The blond wood has been chipped and gouged to gray, particularly where the pick guard fell off years ago. No, it’s not a beautiful instrument, but it still lets me make music, and for that I will always treasure it.
(from http://grammar.about.com/od/developingparagraphs/a/samdescpars.htm)

• Is the first sentence the topic sentence?
• Does the paragraph have a conclusion?
• How many descriptive examples are given?
• How many senses are used in describing the guitar?

An exercise: If I say “soup”, what comes to mind? An image of something liquid in a bowl? Or is it a can? Maybe it’s in a jar? What color is it? Can it be eaten with a fork? How does it taste? Is it hot? Is it thick or watered down? Maybe it’s spicy and will upset your stomach afterward?

Write a description of “soup” that utilizes all five senses. (No need to bring it to class. Use it as a warm up for your paragraph.)

Library Instruction

How to Search Academic Search Elite.
View the Basic and the Advanced presentations:
http://library.stfranciscollege.edu/instruction/Elite.htm
http://library.stfranciscollege.edu/instruction/advancedelite.htm

Assignments

1. Write a descriptive essay. Put the essay on your wiki page by Monday (although Monday is Columbus Day and we don’t have class, your assignments ARE DUE on Monday. Those of you who have problems using a computer can bring the assignments to class on Wednesday.)

2. Using Academic Search Elite find:

A) A primary source document written by Abraham Lincoln. Print it out and bring it to class. (It could be ANY primary source document whose author is Abraham Lincoln)

B) An article that has the words Five-Paragraph Essay in the title. Print out the article and bring it to class.

See you Wednesday.

Prof. K.