Online Class — October 26

Examples Essay – FINAL DRAFT

Points to keep in mind for the final draft of your essay:

1) The Five-Paragraph Essay chart. Keep it handy as you work on your
final draft.

2)Avoid repeating the same sentences.

3) Stick to the points you’re making in your paragraphs. Do not digress.

4) Examples should be clear and part of the main idea of the essay.

Grammar

A lot of students have problems with Dangling/Misplaced Modifiers and Faulty Parallelism. Below are TWO tutorials. Please read them carefully and do the exercises.

Dangling Modifiers

(courtesy of Literacy Education Online http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/modifiers.html )

We often use phrases to describe words within sentences, and we determine the meaning of our sentences by placing these descriptive phrases next to the words they point to or “modify.” For example, the sentence, “I saw a boy running down the street,” indicates that the “boy” was doing the running. However, if we wrote, “Running down the street, I saw the boy,” we would be suggesting to readers that “I” was doing the running.

Misplaced Modifiers

Sometimes we become careless and place descriptive phrases far away from the words they modify, making our sentences unclear or inaccurate. We call these phrases misplaced modifiers. For example, in “I was told that I had been awarded the scholarship by my professor,” does the underlined phrase mean that the professor did the telling or the awarding? If the professor did the telling, we could make the meaning of this sentence clearer by repositioning the phrase: “I was told by my professor that I had been awarded the scholarship.”

Dangling Modifiers

Other times we write descriptive phrases that point to or modify words that are not clearly stated in our sentences, making our sentences illogical. We call these phrases dangling modifiers. For example, in “Walking to college on a subzero morning, my left ear became frozen,” the underlined phrase modifies “my left ear.” This doesn’t make sense; some person must have been doing the walking. We can clarify the sentence by putting a logical word after the phrase: for example, “Walking to college on a subzero morning, I froze my left ear.” Or, we can change the phrase so that it has a logical subject and verb in it: “When I was walking to college on a subzero morning, my left ear became frozen.”

The following table includes sentences with dangling and misplaced modifiers, as well as a possible revision for each and an explanation of why the revision is necessary.

Examples of Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers	Revisions
On July 20, 1969, American astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin landed on the moon, watched by nearly a fifth of the world’s population.	Watched by nearly a fifth of the world’s population, American astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin landed on the moon on July 20, 1969. (The world was not watching the moon; the world was watching the astronauts.)
After seeing the benefits of reduced employee turnover, absenteeism, and lateness, onsite daycare is being provided more frequently as a perk for working parents.	After seeing the benefits of reduced employee turnover, absenteeism, and lateness, more and more companies are providing onsite daycare as a perk for working parents. (Onsite daycare is not seeing the benefits of reduced turnover, absenteeism, and lateness; companies are seeing these benefits as a result of onsite daycare.)
An author who did not receive much attention until after her death, readers of all ages enjoy Emily Dickinson’s poetry today. or Readers of all ages enjoy Emily Dickinson’s poetry today, an author who did not receive much attention until after her death.	Today, readers of all ages enjoy the poetry of Emily Dickinson, an author who did not receive much attention until after her death. (The phrase, an author who did not receive much attention until after her death, should modify Emily Dickinson rather than readers or Emily Dickinson’s poetry.)
Cost-efficient and convenient, many of today’s corporate employees are being trained through computer-assisted instruction.	Cost-efficient and convenient, computer-assisted instruction is being used by many companies to train employees. (The descriptive words, cost-efficient and convenient, modify computer-assisted instruction rather than today’s corporate employees.)
Having submitted the conference registration form after the deadline, special permission by the chairperson was needed before she could give her presentation.	Having submitted the conference registration form after the deadline, Susan needed special permission from the chairperson before she could give her presentation. (The example doesn’t make sense as it is written. Someone must have submitted the form late. According to the revision, Susan submitted the form late.)
When purchasing a cellular phone, the wide variety of calling plans and features overwhelms many people.	When purchasing a cellular phone, many people become overwhelmed by the wide variety of calling plans and features. (The calling plans and features aren’t purchasing cellular phones. People purchase cellular phones.)
New York Stock Exchange members shout out opening bids and offers, acting on behalf of institutions and individual investors.	Acting on behalf of institutions and individual investors, New York Stock Exchange members shout out opening bids and offers. (Members of the New York Stock Exchange–rather than opening bids and offers– act on behalf of institutions and investors.

 

The Online Writing Lab at Purdue University provides an excellent tutorial on dangling modifiers. http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_dangmod.html

Faulty Parallelism:
(courtesy of http://ace.acadiau.ca/english/grammar/parallel.htm)

The grammar crime: Faulty parallelism distracts the reader and disturbs the flow of the writing.

When two elements of a sentence are similar in meaning, you should express them in parallel form. In other words, all linked words should match in form.

By using parallel structure, we both clarify the meaning of our writing, and add pleasing symmetry to it. Parallel structure joins and emphasises equally important ideas.

Question: How do we know we know if a sentence has faulty parallelism?

Outlaw

Shakespeare wrote comedies, tragedies, romances, and the plays based on historical figures.

This is a list; therefore, all of the linked words should be in the same form. Do any of the following not belong?

	comedies
	tragedies
	romances
	the plays based on historical figures.

The fourth does not belong; change it.

Rehabilitated

Shakespeare wrote comedies, tragedies, romances, and history plays.

Question: How do we catch faulty parallelism outlaws?

Look for comparisons and lists. Make sure all of the linked items are in the same form. For example, they should all be nouns, they should all begin with matching articles, or they should all be verbs.

The clues: There are five main situations in which parallelism may be an issue.

1. Co-ordinating conjunctions (and, or, but, for, so, yet, or nor)

Outlaw

financial independence: noun to find love: infinitive verb

Outlaw	Do the linked words match?		No, so rehabilitiate
Hal seems to be an irresponsible prince, but Hotspur was the traitor.	seems to be	present tense	Hal seems to be an irresponsible prince, but Hotspur is the traitor.
	was	past tense	Hal seemed to be an irresponsible prince, but Hotspur was the traitor.

2. Correlative Conjunctions

	either A or B
	neither A nor B
	both A and B
	not only A but also B
	whether A or B

With these conjunctions, A and B are linked; therefore, they must be parallel in form.

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
In Hemingway’s “Cat in the Rain,” we do not know whether the husband sees the original cat or a new cat.	In Hemingway’s “Cat in the Rain,” we do not know whether the husband sees the original cat, or he sees a new one.

3. Words in a series

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
Throughout The Diviners, Laurence uses memory bank movies, lists, songs, and some inner films.	Throughout The Diviners, Laurence uses memory bank movies, lists, songs, and inner films.

4. Comparisons and contrasts using than or as (i.e., more than, as much as)

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
Joan does not like Chuck Brewer as much as she seemed to like the Royal Porcupine.	Joan does not like Chuck Brewer as much as she likes the Royal Porcupine.
In The Collected Works of Billy the Kid, we empathise with Billy the Kid, more than Pat Garrett.	In The Collected Works of Billy the Kid, we empathise with Billy the Kid, more than we empathise with Pat Garrett.

5. Function words:

	prepositions (to, by, in, for)
	articles (a, an, the)
	the infinitive (to)
	introductory words (that, who, which, because, when)

A function word that begins one clause must begin the others.

Outlaw	Rehabilitated
Rohinton Mistry often writes about the Indian immigrant experience and Parsi community.	Rohinton Mistry often writes about the Indian immigrant experience and the Parsi community.
	Rohinton Mistry often writes about Indian immigrant experiences and Parsi communities.
Andrew believes that Jerry Bines is innocent, and Vera’s book does not characterise Jerry properly.	Andrew believes that Jerry Bines is innocent, and that Vera’s book does not characterise Jerry properly.

ASSIGNMENTS

Write the second and FINAL draft of your EXAMPLES ESSAY. Due on Monday, October 29^th. No exceptions. You only need to bring ONE copy to class.

Do the following EXERCISES. Download or print out the file (Click on the link).
Bring the pages to class. exercises.doc

The exercises WILL BE GRADED. Please read and reread the above
tutorials.

Questions?

sfcenglish@gmail.com